Let me begin this article with few questions.
i. Do you think you need to forgive people just because you need to move ahead in your life, as you do not want to get entangled with your past?
ii. Do you think you need to forgive people because you are weaker and cannot challenge them?
iii. Do you think what the fuss about forgiving is, as it is upto the individual whether to forgive someone or not?
I asked you all the above questions because ‘Forgiving’ can be your that single attribute which can open up a whole new world of perspectives within your existing views about this world and its people.
Every single living being starting from dogs to humans, all do their best within their capacities to survive and live their life to the fullest.
It is this intention of living the full life that some people fail to understand that their victory is someone else’s failure. For example, when you get a job, then someone loses the same job. Similarly, when you get a customer, then someone loses the same customer.
You must celebrate your victory, as it is a great moment of your life. But at the same time, you need to realize that your victory has come at the cost of someone’s defeat.
Celebrate your victory but at the same time, you need to be sensitive enough not to celebrate someone’s defeat.
Imagine a situation that you are a student.
Your friend scored very high marks in the test, whereas, you scored very low.
Your friend while celebrating his success of scoring high marks, made fun of your low marks.
Will you feel hurt in this situation?
It is very normal, if you get hurt in this situation
Will you be able to forgive your friend?
It is again very normal, if you are not sure.
But take a moment to think. What might be the consequences, if you do not forgive your friend?
You will certainly spoil your relationship with your friend, and at the same time you will harbour grudge for him.
This grudge is going to harm you more than your friend. And the reasons for that are the following:
i. As you chose not to forgive your friend and have grudge for him, you start behaving in a way, which would only spoil your relationship with your friend.
Therefore, it would seem to your friend that it is you who does not want a good relationship with him.
So, you becoming the reason for your bad relationship with your friend takes the front seat and becomes apparent, whereas, your friend’s ridicule of your low score takes a back seat.
ii. Though you are not sure of the feelings that your friend has for you, but as you have the grudge for him, you get highly uncomfortable when your way crosses with his. This feeling of uneasiness and discomfort starts reflecting on your face more than it does on your friend’s face.
iii. When you hold on to the grudge for your friend, you actually hold on to the thought process that you were ridiculed by your friend because you scored lower than him, which gives rise to the feeling that you were ridiculed by your friend because you are not as good as him.
So, even without your knowledge, you start acknowledging that you are not as good as your friend.
See, how the situation has turned now for you in this imaginary case.
You can now say with all conviction to yourself that when you do not forgive someone, you actually give in to the idea that you lack something because of which you are not valued by the person who has hurt you.
This can be proved in every situation, you just need to analyze the situation to the core.
Let us discuss another imaginary situation.
You loved a person for years from the depth of your heart but that person married someone else.
You get very angry with that person and decide that you will never forgive that person.
Analyze this case to the core.
Though you loved the person from the depth of your heart, still that person married someone else because you feel you were not valued by that person in spite of your immense love.
By not forgiving that person in this case, you actually buckle down under the idea that you are not valued, no matter how much effort you put in for a relationship.
Observe again.
Even in this case, you not forgiving the person actually makes you constantly feel that you lack something because of which the person you loved, married someone else and not you.
The above two imaginary cases must have by now given rise to the ideology in your mind that when you do not forgive someone, you actually start doubting your own abilities and capabilities and start losing self-confidence.
And when you lose self-confidence, then there cannot be anything worse than that.
That is the reason, Mahatma Gandhi (One of the top leaders of the Indian Freedom Movement) once said that, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”.
When you have very high self-confidence, it will not be of any importance to you that who values you or not.
You cannot force anyone to value you as per your expectation but with very high self-confidence, you can believe in yourself even if you do not find anyone who believes in you as much as you do.
When you forgive someone, it does not mean that the offender should be let free.
For example, if a thief steals in your house, then he should be punished. Else he will be on a spree to steal in everyone’s house.
In this case, you ensure that the thief gets punished for his actions but at the same time ‘Forgiving’ in this case means that you do not hold on to the grudge for him and keep thinking that why at all he stole in your house. Rather you wish or pray that ‘May the thief be guided by the legal authorities or by the divine forces or by the combination of both, that make him realise that stealing is a serious offence to humanity, so he should never repeat it henceforth’.
Jesus Christ wished and prayed for forgiveness for his crusaders, as they did not have the capability to understand what he preached.
That is the reason, why people all over the world love, adore and epitomise Jesus, as he is the symbol of kindness and forgiveness.
You have now reached a stage in this article, where we can now discuss that how you can develop the mindset to forgive. But before we discuss that, let us now learn the benefits of ‘Forgiving’.
i. When you forgive, you exhibit the strongest part of your nature. When you forgive, you become stronger.
ii. When you forgive, it enhances your self-confidence and you start believing in yourself much more than before.
iii. When you forgive, you wish that the offender realises his mistake and doesn’t repeat it. So, you do your best to become the reason for the positive turnaround in a person’s life, who until now had a mindset to hurt people for his own benefits.
iv. When you forgive, you spread kindness across humanity and all over.
v. When you forgive, you make your life stress-free and very comfortable.
vi. When you forgive, you get relieved from the toxic feelings and toxic thoughts. This helps you to calm your mind. Your calm mind then helps you to focus much better than before. And with better focus, you get closer to your goals.
So, now after having known the benefits of ‘Forgiving’, it is time for you to know that how you can develop the mindset to forgive.
To be honest, it all depends on what degree of hatred you have for a particular person. You may not be able to forgive a person from the depth of your heart overnight. But having realised that you need to forgive for your own benefit, you will be able to develop the mindset to forgive.
Focus your mind on the following thought-processes to develop the mindset to forgive:
i. You and the offender are two different persons. So your value-system is completely different from the offender’s.
ii. You need to forgive the offender because the offender does not have the right value-system, which could be attributed to the way he was brought up or lack of guidance.
iii. You need to forgive the offender because your kindness can be the reason for a positive turnaround in his life, which can help him analyse himself and develop the mindset not to commit such offence again. This is something, which even the severest punishment cannot achieve.
iv. You need to forgive because you have very high self-confidence and do not doubt your abilities and capabilities.
v. You need to forgive because you know that you are much stronger than anyone thinks you to be.
vi. You need to forgive because you know very well that hatred can only destroy things, whereas you want to do your part for this world to help it progress with kindness.
vii. You need to forgive because you want to inspire people to forgive and become the reason for the positive change in others and for the progress of this world.
viii. No human is perfect. Everyone commits mistakes in life, so have you. When you develop the mindset to forgive others, include yourself also among them. You need to forgive yourself for your mistakes because you have already accepted your mistakes.
When you accept your mistakes, you embark on the journey of transformation for all the good reasons.
ix. Spare few minutes everyday to appreciate the sight of the amazing blue sky and the birds flying across it, the touch and whisper of the breeze and the rhythmic tune of the birds.
Calm your mind and ask yourself. Is n’t this beautiful world the heaven you have heard about?
Can there be anything more beautiful than this beautiful planet, which is the home for the millions of species of living beings?
What can be more soothing to the eyes than the sight of the early morning sky welcoming the sun and the sight of the evening sky saying bye to the sun?
Why to get stuck to some notion and some people, which do not form even the fraction of a fraction of this beautiful planet and stop relishing this blessed life?
Try to see what you normally miss to see in this world, which is beyond you and the people you know.
After what happened with the Japanese in the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in the World War II, life in this world would not have come so far, if the Japanese had not shown forgiveness.
It is this attribute of Japanese because of which they are trusted and respected all over the world, as they showed it to the whole world that no matter what kind of destruction the atomic bombs could cause, these bombs still lack the strength to challenge the spirit of humanity, which is determined to progress on this planet through resilience, perseverance, love, kindness and forgiveness.
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